Over the past few days I've been thinking about what it means to be dependent on others and on the Lord. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do over the past week. I am such a control freak. I don't like asking people to do my laundry- what if they do it wrong? I realize how controlling I am about so many things like cleaning. But I think maybe that's part of the point... God is teaching me how to relax a little bit, how to let others serve me, and how to stop finding my identity in my self-sufficiency and "perfect" surroundings.
It's interesting how while I have been dependent on others for the past few days, this little baby growing inside of me has been completely dependent on me. He's depending on me to stay off of my feet and give him the best conditions to keep growing. So when people are getting me meals, praying for me, visiting, etc., they are helping this sweet boy to turn out healthy.
God is so creative. He loves to surprise us. This has definitely come as a surprise. My whole pregnancy has been so seamless and comfortable. Apparently that's not the kind of life that God values (the comfortable one). He has shaken us up a little bit through this experience. I feel like he's asking us "Are you going to trust me?" Yes, we are. We are choosing to trust you, even though we're scared, and we don't feel prepared to be parents in so many ways, we trust you.
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Jessie, I read your blog and could relate very much to what you wrote about being in control and the Lord asking "are you going to trust me". Two years ago I had hip surgery. This was the most excruciating experience I had ever gone through. I told my husband to go back to work and the girls to not come over and help I could manage they had their lives to tend to. Well, I soon realized I could not even feed myself or go to the restroom or bathe alone. I had to learn how to walk all over again. Lianne and her sisters gave me a beautiful coupon book for me to use as I needed. There was a cleaning, cooking, pedicure and manicure, movie night, laundry etc coupon. I never did use my coupons because I was to proud and I could do it myself. Needless to say I was miserable and cried out to the Lord. With nothing to do but lay on my back and cry. He gently reminded me how he sent my angels to help me and I refused. Please don't hesitate in asking for help, I realized I must have crushed many good intentions and spirits when I would refuse help. God puts people in our lives to help us. Also,some of the best conversations with God was when I was stuck in bed and he had my undivided attention. Sit back and keep us posted on your blog and ask Lianne to make you some monkey bread. Yummy! lol
ReplyDeleteArleen
Jessie,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great post, and so thoughtful. I love how you are preaching the gospel and choosing trust.